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havanapink's Journal
Created on 2008-07-26 01:18:56 (#16179529), last updated 2009-09-28
56 comments received, 56 comments posted
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Basic Info| Name: | Havana Pink |
|---|---|
| Location: | United States |
BioI will start out by saying I am blessed in a lot of ways. I am just in a bit of a funk personally right now. Formerly bubbly, outgoing and [at least seemingly] innocent and carefree as can be, I'm not too sure who I am these days. I really did think I had most things figured out at a very young age, and maybe I did and still do but I am simply being tested for now. Although I refuse to admit that my descent into the beginnings of "real" adulthood has jaded me, it has not been a smooth one for reasons beyond my control. As a result, I am noticably different in ways I would not be quick to say are necessarily for the better. At a time in my life where everyone I know seems to be having the time of their life, I consistently feel lost in my own world and completely out of the loop when it comes to anything else. I don't want get too comfortable in this place. But I don't hate it entirely as this break from social reality has made me a stronger, more humble person with a good sense of what I want out my of life and a newfound appreciation for my health and finding happiness in unlikely places. Most importantly, it has kept me close to my family, and has pushed me to shine in areas I had never put my all into before... I just desperately want to be one of those people who looks back at their early, early twenties with this kind of discomfort with myself and life in general being a fuzzy, almost laughable memory. On the other hand, I would like to truly enjoy my early, early twenties - take a break from the bigger picture idea and live freely in the moment. I'm just afraid I've built up walls that require some life changing newness and excitement in order to be torn down. The eternal optimist in me knows this will happen someday soon and that every situation is only temporary, but I have completely given up on counting down the days until everything starts feeling like it's falling into place. It seems that the best things happen when you aren't looking. I'm trying to not look, working my little booty off in the meantime, but I sometimes can't help but feel that I'm peeking through my hand, somehow prolonging the process because I want that day to finally arrive so bad... even though I know nothing worth going through this bizzare and inconvenient detour for is going to happen in just a day. ♥
Stories of my life:
"Can you really love the one you're with when you can't forget the one who got away?"
“I am learning that perfection isn’t what matters. In fact, it’s the very thing that can destroy you if you let it.”
"There are millons of people in the world, and the spirits will see that most of them, you never have to meet. but there are one or two that you are tied to, and the spirits will cross you back and forth, threading so many knots until they catch and you finally get it right."
"The worst thing about endings is knowing that just ahead is the daunting task of starting over."
“Peace and calm rush over me as I process the lack of any bad feelings: I’m not jealous, I’m not worried, I’m not scared, I’m not lonely.”
“This is why you should never, ever get your hopes up. This is why you should see the glass as half empty. So when the whole thing spills, you aren’t as devastated.”
"Someday (this) will be a distant memory. This fact makes me sad too. It’s like when someone dies, the initial stages of grief seem to be the worst. But in some ways, it’s sadder as time goes by and you consider how much they’ve missed in your life. In the world.”
"That evening, after we have been together for several hours, I realized that our visits are starting to run together in one delicious blur of talking, touching, dozing, and simply existing together in a warm, easy silence like the perfect beach vacation, where the routine is so blissfully uneventful that when you return home and friends ask how your trip was, you can’t really recall what exactly you did to fill up so many hours. That is what being with him is like."
“I run my hands along my glass, marveling at how much has changed in such a short time. How much I have changed. I was a parent-pleaser, a dutiful friend. I made safe, careful choices and hoped that things would fall into place for me. Then I fell in love and still viewed it as something happening to me. I hoped that he would make things right, or that fate would intervene. But I have learned that you make your own happiness, that part of going for what you want means losing something else. And when the stakes are high, the losses can be that much greater.”
"He was not my boyfriend. On the other hand, he wasn't just a friend either. Instead, our relationship was elastic, stretching between those two extremes depending on who else was around, how much either of us had to drink, and other varying factors. This was exactly what I wanted, as commitments had never really been my thing. And it wasn't like it was hard, either. The only trick was never giving more than you were willing to lose."
"Love and Friendship. They are what make us who we are, and what can change us, if we let them."
Stories of my life:
“I am learning that perfection isn’t what matters. In fact, it’s the very thing that can destroy you if you let it.”
"There are millons of people in the world, and the spirits will see that most of them, you never have to meet. but there are one or two that you are tied to, and the spirits will cross you back and forth, threading so many knots until they catch and you finally get it right."
"The worst thing about endings is knowing that just ahead is the daunting task of starting over."
“Peace and calm rush over me as I process the lack of any bad feelings: I’m not jealous, I’m not worried, I’m not scared, I’m not lonely.”
“This is why you should never, ever get your hopes up. This is why you should see the glass as half empty. So when the whole thing spills, you aren’t as devastated.”
"Someday (this) will be a distant memory. This fact makes me sad too. It’s like when someone dies, the initial stages of grief seem to be the worst. But in some ways, it’s sadder as time goes by and you consider how much they’ve missed in your life. In the world.”
"That evening, after we have been together for several hours, I realized that our visits are starting to run together in one delicious blur of talking, touching, dozing, and simply existing together in a warm, easy silence like the perfect beach vacation, where the routine is so blissfully uneventful that when you return home and friends ask how your trip was, you can’t really recall what exactly you did to fill up so many hours. That is what being with him is like."
“I run my hands along my glass, marveling at how much has changed in such a short time. How much I have changed. I was a parent-pleaser, a dutiful friend. I made safe, careful choices and hoped that things would fall into place for me. Then I fell in love and still viewed it as something happening to me. I hoped that he would make things right, or that fate would intervene. But I have learned that you make your own happiness, that part of going for what you want means losing something else. And when the stakes are high, the losses can be that much greater.”
"He was not my boyfriend. On the other hand, he wasn't just a friend either. Instead, our relationship was elastic, stretching between those two extremes depending on who else was around, how much either of us had to drink, and other varying factors. This was exactly what I wanted, as commitments had never really been my thing. And it wasn't like it was hard, either. The only trick was never giving more than you were willing to lose."
"Love and Friendship. They are what make us who we are, and what can change us, if we let them."
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